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The Greatest American

January 19, 2015 By Dan 1 Comment

The Greatest American

The word hero is thrown around far too often and easily in the media. The mere fact that someone is well known or they do something that is deemed heroic seems to predispose them to this label which should be used in rare occasions when it really applies.

What makes someone a hero?

Merriam-Webster gives 2 definitions of hero as “a person who is admired for great or brave acts or fine qualities” and “a person who is greatly admired”.

Great or brave acts.

I suppose that could fit many individuals. The classic image of the fireman saving a kitten from the tree certainly is admirable and many people would call this person a hero, but I choose to limit my usage for extreme cases, far from the norm.

I never had any black friends growing up. If I offend anyone by using this term and not African-American I mean no disrespect, I simply don’t know what the preferred term is. If anyone called me white (I would say more an off-peach color) I wouldn’t be offended, so I hope using the word “black” is okay.

I didn’t have any black friends growing up not because I avoided those friendships, I simply didn’t have many black kids at the schools (public through high school, and then a private college) in Massachusetts. There were many times in my life where my only friend had 4 legs, a tail, and fur. I would have welcomed any friend and certainly couldn’t be choosy on the basis of color.

For much of my life I didn’t even know how to act around black people as I felt guilty simply for being a white man. I saw white men as the very definition of the majority of people that brought so much pain and suffering to so many (blacks, Native Americans, etc.) for something they had no control over whatsoever, the color of their skin.

My first memory of a black person that stands out in my mainly white world was when my parents got divorced around the age of 9 years old I went to a black therapist and what stood out more than anything else wasn’t the color of his skin but that he was nice and kind to me.

Nice.

Kind.

For all my mother’s faults (and there were many), the one thing she did right is that racism and bigotry was never taught to me. I had friends of various walks of life and I am better for it.

I will always be better for diversity in my life.

The older I get, the less tolerance I have for bigotry in any form. There are good and bad people of every race, every gender, every orientation… we are simply people.

Judging people for things out of their control I see as bullying, abuse, and WRONG.

“Oh Great Spirit, keep me from ever judging a man until I have walked a mile in his moccasins” — Native American (Sioux) prayer

Given this history of abuse, history of wrongdoing, history of horrific acts, the natural tendency for many blacks it could easily be assumed would be to feel anger, the need to fight back as a form of defense. In that state of negativity it can also be understood why many would choose to turn to violence as a means of “righting the wrong”.

One man didn’t see things that way.

One man (and the countless people who believed in his cause then and still do today) believed that the history of “eye for an eye” and violence as the solution simply does not work.

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” — Martin Luther King, Jr., A Testament of Hope: The Essential Writings and Speeches

I don’t have the gift of speech like Martin Luther King, Jr.
That doesn’t mean I can’t communicate effectively in other ways.

I don’t share the same religious beliefs of Martin Luther King, Jr.
That doesn’t mean I can’t respect and learn from the man.

I don’t share the skin color of Martin Luther King, Jr.
That doesn’t make me any better or worse than him.

I don’t write much about politics and/or religion because these are polarizing topics. I got inspired to write this piece in honor of Dr. King when years ago I overheard someone in my inner circle say that “Martin Luther King, Jr. Day isn’t a real holiday.” Following through in a manner that I feel Dr. King would be proud of, I said nothing, storing this quote away in my brain to be used in the future. In some ways I dreaded the day that I finally decided to write this post, for I felt no matter how many revisions I would make, it would never, COULD never do the man and what he stood for justice. I could never honor him adequately no matter how many words I wrote, or the words I chose to use.

47 years after he was murdered and matching the age of him at that time (39), I instead offer the argument that not only is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day a “real” holiday, of the 10 United States Federal Holidays of note, one stands above all. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day is the MOST important American holiday there is.

“People need dramatic examples to shake them out of apathy” — Batman Begins

There have been many important figures in American history, no doubt countless names who we have never heard of and never will hear of. Whether it’s good or bad (more a reality), marketing is required to spread knowledge and get people to act. Even if we don’t want there to be figureheads, we many times NEED them for the greater good.

George Washington was no doubt an important figure in American history, but he was a slave owner himself. As one of the founding fathers of the United States his legacy cannot be ignored, but is he the greatest?

Abraham Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation and was a major factor in ending the American Civil War. Most polls list him as the greatest American President and like Dr. King, was murdered for his beliefs and actions. The greatest American? Close, but he was a white man, growing up in a white man’s world.

Lincoln fought and died for the abolishment of slavery.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. fought for equal rights as a whole.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. fought for equal rights in the only way that WORKS and he DIED for those beliefs, instantly becoming an eternal martyr for civil rights, spoken with the same type of reverence as Mahatma Gandhi by countless millions since that day nearly 50 years ago.

I mention this man all the time to others because he is the very definition of role model and HERO. I draw quotes from him as often as possible and I look to his wisdom and actions to help guide my own life.

Was Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. a perfect man? The simple fact is that no one is perfect, not even the ones we hold with the utmost respect. Dr. King had flaws like anyone else and as a human, he made mistakes, just like everyone else does. His flaws do not define the man, and it is his flaws that better enable the average Jane and Joe to relate to him.

The memorial statue of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. (which took far too long to come to fruition) was created not by a black American, not a white American, but by a Chinese sculptor. I find it an ironic, proper symbol of universal peace that no doubt Dr. King would be proud of.

“Early morning, April 4
Shot rings out in the Memphis sky
Free at last, they took your life
They could not take your pride”

Pride (In the Name of Love) from U2 – The Unforgettable Fire, 1984

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Filed Under: Politics Tagged With: Batman Begins, bigotry, civil rights, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., I have a dream, Mahatma Gandhi, martin luther king jr, mlk jr, race relations, racism, slavery, U2

Best Man Speech

October 11, 2014 By Dan 1 Comment

I was given the great honor of presenting the following speech (minus a few editing changes to hide the identities of said individuals) back in 2009 for one of my friends from college. It’s an opportunity that I never thought I would get in my life and I wanted to do the best job that I could. After weeks of trying to figure out what I wanted to say, I finally came up with the following speech. Half a decade later there is very little I would change and my words resonate to me today just as much as they did back then.

To the bride and groom, I wish you a happy anniversary now and forever.

Best Man Speech
Best Man Speech originally presented 10/11/2009

Yes I need something to read off of. I am a writer, not public speaker so this helps calm the nerves of being up here.

I’ve known [Groom] for 12 years; I can’t just call him [Groom], so bear with me, either [Groom] or [Groom] Duck as my daughter affectionately named him when she was around 2 years old.

I am an ironic person to be giving this speech given my own personal circumstances but these circumstances make me a perfect candidate for what I will be saying today as I have had a lot of time to think and reflect. As many of you know, I am a stats freak (I got my love of numbers from my father, love of cards from my grandfather) so I decided that would be the focus of my speech. For my speech I have 10 pieces of advice for the newlyweds on 3 topics: relationships, parenting, life. Bear with me because this is pretty long and it’s all serious. It’s not a roast, there’s no yucks, no humor, no jokes as the only type of humor I can do (and none too well) is sarcasm which usually comes off as obnoxious. Drama and writing is what I do better than most, so I went the serious route for my speech.

RELATIONSHIPS

NUMBER 1. Respect & trust are the essential foundation of any successful relationship, not just romantic. A house is only as strong as its foundation and because [Groom] & [Bride] have a strong foundation, their house will be sturdy and able to withstand time.

2. You can’t change people; people can only change THEMSELVES. Compromise in small areas is fine and expected, but you can’t (and shouldn’t) lose the person that YOU are. Whether it’s [Groom] with golfing, bowling, games with me or [Bride] with country music or going out with the girls, the person that you are today is the person the other fell in love with. DON’T lose who YOU are. Make sure that you don’t leave your past friends or life behind now that you are married. You CAN love your partner while keeping YOU intact. While you should love yourself, you didn’t fall in love WITH yourself… those unique qualities are what make the person you love special.

HOWEVER…

Relationships take WORK!! NUMBER 3. This is something I never really understood. Things like date nights are something I didn’t realize the importance of but now I understand. Planned events and nights out aren’t cheesy or cliché things to do. When LIFE becomes overpowering, having SET times planned out where you make time for each other helps keep the glue of the relationship intact. Never stop WORKING at your relationship… the key word is WORK WORK WORK WORK

4. Loyalty is of the utmost importance. ALWAYS be able to count on each other, always be loyal, always be the rock that you can both turn to and count on no matter what. In poker ([Groom] you knew I had to throw a poker analogy in there) there is something called variance which is just a way of saying that there will be ups and downs in the game over time. In life, variance exists just as much. Even when times are so good you never think about the bad, the bad will come. THIS is the time when you find out who are your real friends, who really loves you, who REALLY cares. The sad reality is that you will find that list of people who really care is very short. It’s easy to be there when times are good, very hard when times are bad. Be there for your partner at these times MORE THAN ANY OTHER. You need to be able to depend on each other at THESE times so when everything turns to crap, you can always count on one another.

5. Communication is essential. Don’t let issues fester. Talk things through and come to a conclusion quickly before issues get out of control. Let the words “I’m sorry”, “I was wrong”, and “you were right” be something you aren’t afraid to say.

6. You can NEVER say I love you enough. You can never give enough hugs; you can never give enough affection to remind the other person that they are important to YOU. Make these actions a focal point of reminding the ones you love that you still feel the same way.

6 pieces of advice down, 4 to go, the next topic being…

PARENTING

I can summarize parenting into 1 single list item. I believe that kids need 3 things more than anything else in life: TIME… AFFECTION… POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT (in that order).

Everything else is fluff in the long run (and I do mean everything). Let your children know you are proud of them and SPEND time with them. It doesn’t matter what you do as long as you are spending time. Even a walk around the block can be quality time.

It’s really that simple.

LIFE

The best piece of advice I ever got in my life was: PICK. YOUR. BATTLES.

Choose your words carefully and make sure there is a good reason for every action that you take and do. If a particular action or comeback doesn’t feel like it’s worth doing, don’t bother. Save your ‘ammunition’ for another day. PICK. YOUR. BATTLES.

9. Anyone know who Jim Valvano was?

He was the head coach of the North Carolina State 1983 NCAA men’s basketball championship team. In 1993 he was dying of cancer and he gave an emotional speech at the first annual ESPN ESPY awards. Only months after he gave this speech he passed away but I would like to read a short excerpt from that speech:

“I’m a very emotional, passionate man. I can’t help it. We hug, we kiss, we love. And when people say to me how do you get through life or each day, it’s the same thing. To me, there are three things we all should do every day. We should do this every day of our lives. Number one is laugh. You should laugh every day. Number two is think. You should spend some time in thought. And number three is, you should have your emotions moved to tears, could be happiness or joy. But think about it. If you laugh, you think, and you cry, that’s a full day. That’s a heck of a day. You do that seven days a week; you’re going to have something special.”

Is that good advice or what? Laugh. Think. Cry. Add love in there and isn’t that what life is essentially all about?

Finally NUMBER 10. Follow your gut in life, it’s rarely wrong and even when logic says to do something else, your gut should take precedence. LISTEN to your gut…

As a lifelong card player there is only way I could end my speech, and it’s 2 simple words for [Groom] & [Bride], 2 of the best words ever put together…

GOOD.
LUCK.

GIVE IT UP FOR [Groom] & [Bride]!!!

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Filed Under: Life, Parenting, Relationships Tagged With: Jim Valvano, love

Posts

  • The Greatest American January 19, 2015
  • Best Man Speech October 11, 2014

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Batman Begins bigotry civil rights Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. I have a dream Jim Valvano love Mahatma Gandhi martin luther king jr mlk jr race relations racism slavery U2

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