I got my brown belt this past Saturday.For anyone that is ignorant of the martial arts or knows very little about it, this is a major step. Nearly 3 years since I started my training and 300+ classes later, I tied my new belt on with a huge smile and sense of accomplishment at what I have achieved. When I walked into my dojo in September 2003 I didn't really know how far I would go and I certainly didn't know the level of commitment and dedication that was required to move up in the ranks. Most people who are ignorant only ask about black belt, but even black is just a step in the journey. Certainly 1st degree black belt is probably the pinnacle moment of anyone's martial arts career even if they endure further training, but brown comes 2nd in terms of achievement. As I enjoyed staring at my brown belt this past weekend, I entered the dojo on Monday with my head held high, proud to have people notice my new belt and know that I truly had arrived. As I looked around the room at my fellow brown belts, I knew that I still had a long way to go and even now I feel slightly overwhelmed at the level of work that is staring me in the face. From a materials point of view I have very little to learn for the next 1 1/2 - 2 years (2 katas and 1 drill), and perhaps that is what intimidates me most. The next 2 levels of rank that I will achieve (2nd and 3rd degree brown) are mainly based on perfecting what I already know. For those that don't like tedious work (I am one of those people), it's a challenge in itself to have to continue to repeat the same movements over and over and over again. I think it's all just part of the process of becoming a black belt. All my training thus far has been to build up an array of knowledge and now it's time to see how dedicated I am, having to do the same routines hundreds and thousands of times until I am ready to test for my black belt. At my best guess, that time will probably be June 2008, as the months get closer and closer to that time I will probably feel more butterflies in my stomach than ever before. Kaizen indeed...
For the people that have contacted me about how my eyes have been doing the past 4 months since I last posted an update, I deeply apologize. I have no excuses and I won't even try to come up with any. My reason is simply that I have chosen to not sit down in front of the computer and make the updates that I promised I would make. June turned to July and July to August, and now here I am, over 7 months removed from my operation, and 225 days since the IOLs were implanted. I am finally here to correct that oversight, so here goes. I hope that my words will be able to help some people out and give you a better idea of what it's like for someone many months removed from my surgery. I think the best way to educate is to break this up into topics of interest.
Vision Today
My vision today is great but not perfect. I originally was going to say good but not great, however this would not be fair to my surgeon who performed my operation. I would say that my vision is 4 1/2 stars out of 5, 90%, A- grade, whatever scale you like to use, it's in the upper echelon. When I am looking at the right object in the right light (different environments make for different levels of crispness), my vision is crisp, clear, and many times better than it has ever been. In the wrong light or situation my vision is good. Overall my vision is never bad, it just differs depending on many factors that cannot be easy summed up in a binary way.
Floaters
Floaters are when a piece of the back of the eye literally falls off the then flies around, much like one of those snowglobes that you see in the store. Floaters are completely normal and just part of the aging process, but high myopia patients are much more susceptible to these because of the strain their eyes are continually under, just trying to compensate for being born with poor vision. I don't know if the surgery made my floaters more apparent, but I certainly notice them more often. It's a little scary knowing that cells of your eyes are falling off, never to return to their original resting spot again, but I guess it's on the same level of nervousness that just dealing with aging and death brings. Since one cannot do anything about it, you just accept it and live your life.
Dry Eyes
My #1 arch nemesis!! When I went for another post-op appointment last month (I am getting my $1,500 worth no matter what), my doctor confirmed that all four of my punctal plugs were still in my eyes to my surprise. Punctal plugs are used to fill up the tear duct reservoirs that keep normal people from having too much liquid in their eyes. It's normal for dry eye sufferers to have 2 ducts plugged up, but all 4 is certainly not the norm. I still suffer from dry eye problems every day, but I don't think they are any worse since the operation. I think when I was taking fish oil pills pre-surgery they seemed to help a bit, so I need to go back on them. Certainly it's something to think about if I have future surgery (LASIK/PRK), as these procedures can make dry eye problems even worse.
General Haziness
Some weeks I really notice that I have a sense of general haziness, other weeks I do not. Certainly my left eye exhibits this haziness more than the right... it's really hard to explain to outsiders, but sometimes my vision just seems... well, HAZY sometimes. I am guessing that this sensation is probably related to my dry eyes and the lenses themselves, which brings me to...
Verisyse -vs- Visian
When I went for my consult in January, my surgeon warned me that my maximum pupil dilation size was on the outer limits of what was deemed acceptable, and that I might want to consider waiting for the new Visian lenses to be FDA approved, as these might help out with this problem. After having set up this whole trip for months I wasn't going to wait any longer at that point so the surgery went onward as planned. Soon after having the Verisyse lenses put in (within weeks), the Visian lenses got the FDA approval he was speaking about, and now in the United States there are 2 main competitors in the phakic IOL business. Without going into all the specifics, the 2 lenses are implanted different ways, and the 2 lenses also are made of differing materials. It's possible that the Visian lens might be better for some patients, but this is very hard to judge. Unlike a pair of shoes, patients can't easily "test drive" one lens versus another but from what my surgeon in Waltham said and from the research I have done online, the Visian lens might be a better option for lots of people. I am sure the vision is very, very similar between the 2 options, but the Visian ICL is made from a material that might not exhibit so much haziness as the one I have now. After reading up on the new lens and seeing that my surgeon in Los Angeles is now pushing the Visian more than the Verisyse on his web site I became a little disappointed, wondering if I made the wrong choice, but there is no way to know if that lens would have been better or worse for my unique situation. If you aren't born with perfect vision you have to learn to compromise, and now I haven't given the subject much thought since I did my initial research weeks ago.
Night Vision
My night vision is about the same as it was months ago. This is where the pair of glasses that I had for a few weeks really helped out most. When I put the glasses on, headlights instantly became much crisper and it was easier to see in general. I returned those glasses because I wasn't going to use them during the day, but that short time that I had my imbalance (and astigmatism) corrected, I got a glimpse of how even a tiny adjustment could bring my happiness level from 90% up to 95-98%. My night vision is acceptable, but I prefer not to drive at night anymore now, imbalance fixed or not.
Prescription Imbalance
The prescription imbalance remains (it's never going to go away) but I have adjusted well to it. It doesn't bother me nearly as much as it did in April/May, the main reason probably being that the human body is so adaptable. Could I live the rest of my life this way? I could, but that brings me to the next topic...
Future Enhancement
My surgeon in Waltham thinks that a future enhancement wouldn't make much of a difference as it relates to my concerns about haziness and the like, but the short time I had glasses make me feel otherwise. Some people would say that I am already at 90% shouldn't I be happy with that and not risk losing what I have today by having another surgery that might not give me what I want? This point is valid, but enhancement is a common thing for high myopes that are looking to get that little extra result they are looking for. An A- might get you into a good school, but an A will get you into Harvard. Should the A- student be happy or should they strive for the best results they can achieve? That's all I am trying to do.
If I could do it all again...
I would have the surgery, PERIOD.
These past 6 months I haven't given my sight barely a second thought. For anyone out there with poor vision, how would you like to live your life and never have to worry about fumbling for your glasses, worrying about losing contacts, or just being blind at times you don't want to be? I was that person my entire life and I don't miss that person one bit. Even at $15,000+ I feel this money has been well spent. Not only do I (for the most part) have better vision then I have ever had my entire life, these IOLs have given me a sense of peace that I never had before.
The only things that I would change is that I probably would have waited until the Visian lens was out if I wasn't flying across the country to have the surgery performed, and I would have chosen a different time to have it done. Only 2 days before I left Isabella started walking and it would have been nice to see her at that stage of her life, but at least I got to see her take those first 5 steps. I always felt it was as if she wanted me to see her walk before I left, and that certainly makes the memory that much more special.
Final Thank You
For anyone that has this surgery, try your best to find someone else that you can talk to that has gone through the same experiences. I was fortunate enough to find a wonderful individual who was able to serve as my mentor throughout this entire process, and that person was Kevin Kullar of Canada. I stumbled upon a forum post that Kevin left in 2005 and I inundated him with question after question, and then had a very supportive phone call with him upon my return in January. You will read a lot online about how easy this surgery is and how simple, but my experience wasn't so simple. It took a long recovery period for my vision to get to where it is today and to be honest, I wasn't very happy with my vision upon returning home. I found it difficult to focus on objects and Kevin kept telling me that it would get better in time and I just had to be patient. I hope with my posts that some day I can return the favor that Kevin did for me and help someone else out with their own IOL surgery. While I had family and friends supporting me, they hadn't gone through the procedure themselves so they could only do so much. Thank you again Kevin, I'll never forget what you did for me.
Dan